


Paladin Danse - The Wind in the Trees

by EgoDominusTuus



Series: First Words [5]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, First Word Soulmarks, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5808895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoDominusTuus/pseuds/EgoDominusTuus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Brotherhood of Steel leaves no time for the notion of 'soulmate'. Paladin Danse, however, can't escape his fate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paladin Danse - The Wind in the Trees

**Paladin Danse - The Wind in the Trees**

My words are entwined over my heart, as though their speakers are already somehow joined.  _ Really?  _ burns over the beat in my chest, and I try to pretend that I can ignore the pull that the words spill through my entire being.

  I wasn’t made for a soulmate – I wasn’t made for two soulmates who speak in tandem like the sound of the wind and the answering rustle of the leaves.

  I was made for  _ war. _

  I was made for the Brotherhood of Steel . Early on in my life, I learn that growing close to people is just a way to feel pain, and it’s not something that I’m willing to do. I was close to Cutler – I divulged my secrets with him. We were friends; the best of friends. His first words to me were not  _ Really?,  _ but instead,  _ What is this junk, anyway? _

__ I think, even then, I knew that something bad was going to happen. He is the only person that I’d shown my words to – I kept them a secret from everyone else. Even Haylen and Rhys, people in my squad, have never seen my words. I take care to keep within the safety of my power armor – I only come out when I’m sure that no one will see, and even then, I am hard pressed to take off the Brotherhood of Steel uniform that covers my chest.

  Looking at the words cause me pain, because I know that I can never let myself feel them. It’s not safe – emotional connections only give you something to lose.

  And though I’ve heard  _ Really?  _ a thousand times in my life, it’s never twin voices calling out, making my heart sing. I’m sometimes furious with myself, because I know that I  _ want  _ to feel the sensation of my that trilling, excited beat.  In the quiet of the Prydwen, I sometimes hear squires whispering about when they’d met their soulmates – of the electricity that burned through their nerves and made them feel alive for the first time.

  I’m angry, because they’re speaking of relationships when they’ve already given themselves over to the Brotherhood.

  I’m angry, because somewhere inside I feel an empty hollow that’s crying out for that same sensation.

  Sometimes, things are more confusing than I’d like to admit.

  Still, when someone calls that word out to me for the first time, my eyes rock upward. The word is always singular – there isn’t another voice to echo the question, and I know that it’s  _ wrong.  _ I don’t know how I know, but I always do.

  Though I never admit it, there’s always a level of disappointment in my chest when I realize that I have to wait. That I may always be waiting.

  I try, but it’s not an emotion that I can completely stamp out.

  I give myself over completely to my duties as a Paladin. Though I thought to escape the stinging pain of loss, every time a member of my squad falls victim to the Commonwealth and its dangers, my chest aches. Every time someone who was put under my command fails to return to the Prydwen, I know that it’s my fault, and something that I could have changed.

  Somewhere inside, I wonder if the voices of  _ Really?  _ were out there somewhere, disappointed that I hadn’t changed anything at all. Somewhere inside, I wonder if they’re waiting to help me make that change, make a real difference.

Haylen has asked me about my words before, because hers are sprawled across her wrist – I know the words well, because I was there when Rhys spoke them to her. Though the Knight won’t admit his feelings, Haylen’s words rest across the middle of his back… and I can see the pain that it causes the two, to stay apart. Rhys hides it well, but Haylen has come to me in the still of the night… and her tears are proof that having a soulmate doesn’t fix everything.

  Sometimes things simply don’t work out.

  Those are the thoughts that chase around in my head when I strip out of my Brotherhood of Steel uniform to shower at the Cambridge Police Station. My fingers trace the words lightly – one in bold, neat letters, the other wrapping around it in half scrawl, half elegance.

  I can’t escape my need to  _ know  _ them. I can’t escape the fact that even if I did, it would never work. I was a Paladin of the Brotherhood of Steel – I wasn’t allowed the luxury of relationships. 

  But still, my heart keeps hope. That hope is fueled few and far in between - my squad and I spend more time eradicating ghoul nests and Super Mutant dens than meeting new people of the Commonwealth. Eventually, our larger group dwindles down to just myself, Rhys, and Haylen… and eventually, we realize that it’s not going to be enough.

  I give Haylen the go-ahead to put out a distress signal, even though I am loathe to admit that we need help. I don’t want to think of the disappointment that Elder Maxson will feel if he knows how I’ve failed my squad. I want, even less, to think about how disappointed I am in myself that I failed them so completely.

  Within a few days of the signal going out, the Cambridge Police Station is overrun by ghouls. Though we fight valiantly, Rhys is injured… and I know that Haylen’s attentions are more for keeping him safe than fighting. 

  And then I hear voices ringing out.

  “Son of a bitch, Quinn!  _ Stop for a minute! _ ” 

  “Can’t, look, they need help! Sil, they’re down a man. Come  _ on _ !” 

  And then there are guns blazing, profuse cursing… and the ghouls that had threatened to rip everything apart are taken out within a few minutes of fire. 

  The two men speak to one another for a moment - the taller clearly scolding his smiling counterpart. Finally, he hands over a stimpak, and they approach me. 

  Civilians - I’ve been saved by civilians. I let out a small sigh, trying to ignore in the back of my mind the thoughts that are racing. They are, without a doubt, the most beautiful men that I’ve ever seen. Their blue vaultsuits slick to their skin in the downpour of rain, and their eyes burn like the sky and the trees. 

  “ We appreciate the assistance, civilians, but what's your business here?” My voices comes out, formal, a bit curt. The one with green eyes hikes a brow, while the one with blue fixes me with a serious and slightly outraged expression.

  “ _ Really _ ?” Electricity burns through every fiber of my being… because their voices echo in tandem, and it’s like the wind rustling through the leaves.


End file.
